Written by: Thomas R Wilson- Owner of R&H Creative Advocacy and Storytelling LLC

This article by another writer is part of a parallel shared guest post between TTRPGkids and Thomas R Wilson, a Neuro Diversity Specialist. You can find the TTRPGkids parallel post about Natural Consequences to Actions in TTRPGs here on TTRPGkids and can find Thomas’s website here!

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Introductions:

One of the most vital aspects of life is the art of conflict resolution. When done wrong, it can trigger faults like earthquakes that rip through relationships. Yet when done with purpose, it can be one of the foundations of lifelong relationships, even building bridges that become vital community assets. As a game master educator, program developer, and holder of many other roles, my bread and butter is conflict resolution. And yet, so many people don’t realize how much of conflict resolution is rooted in allowing a degree of anger. Expressing our frustration is not the same thing as becoming hostile. In this article, I hope to effectively communicate that there is real value in healthy conflict and in rebuilding bridges after immersive conflict. 

Kindness as an Action

One of the most integral aspects of conflict resolution is the active practice of kindness. This is not kindness to keep a space or to sell ourselves, but kindness as an act of humanity. Many people are taught to be instinctively defensive of things that are not in their comfort zone. However, kindness on a deeply human level, rooted in empathy, is crucial to help those at our tables feel respected. This starts with the ability to listen with intention, carried through simple acts such as a smile, and genuine, sincere acts of positivity, and ends with the intention to support those around us. Breaking down barriers can often be the foundation for building pathways between peoplePeople, and being a reliable, kind, loving, and honest person reshapes the walls of boundaries into the sincere outlines of bridges.

Calmness as a Motivatoran Motivator

Another key aspect of building bridges through conflict resolution is remaining calm. Far too often, people, especially facilitators, lose their cool and respond to conflict with conflict. A as they, unfortunately, internalize the frustration and anger of those at our space. It is crucial to note that when youth or adults express anger at our tables, this is communication. That communication deserves to be honored, not trivialized. So we must remain calm, hold strong, and respond with kind, supportive phrases. This is often used to prevent meltdowns and to prevent small aggressions from turning into life-altering mistakes. It is also pivotal to know that as facilitators, we set the tone of our events, and what we don’t or do allow within ourselves will be seen as the norm. So helping to craft a calm space starts with the energy we bring to it.

Conflict Will Happen

It should also be stated that conflict is inevitable at some point at your table. Even the best of friends can disagree, yell, throw, or even get hostile. In all my years running events, one of the biggest things I have learned is that this is entirely normal. Some degree of conflict is as human as wanting to embrace escapism. Yet knowing how to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy conflict is necessary. This starts with everyone’s comfort level; reading can quickly become bullying, joking can be seen as harassment, and expectations can be ableist or sexist. I recommend paying attention to emotional, physical, and vocal cues when observing these behaviors. If someone looks uncomfortable, they probably are. But at the same time, teasing can build friendships, working can lead to confidence, and new players can build lasting community success. I find these successes are rooted in continual communication between players and their game master to help define clear boundaries. A great way to help define those boundaries areis RPG consent checklists (like this one) that can help highlight any potential triggers and comfort levels at the beginning of gameplay. Finally, I encourage gentle but firm guidance as you play, acknowledge when you notice cues, and encourage the role your space plays in honoring the safety of your players. Finally, establish yourself as a reliable go-between leader and, in particular, one who listens without judgment and honors the voice of all players. This can create a space where people know they don’t need to be perfect, but where all players mindfully engage at all times.

Opinion Mindsets

While I am against having our spaces be stagnant or hurtful, when conflict does occur, it can be a fundamental opportunity to teach the value of differing opinions. In particular, this scenario can help kids see opinions outside their own as valuable through gentle, compassionate direction. By highlighting the value of both sides, affirming the value of each person listening, and highlighting the strengths each member of this interaction demonstrated, we can build pathways to resolution while underscoring the importance of a Strengths-Based mindset. Additionally, gently guiding individuals through heated moments with kind words also reduced emotional stress and helped establish that there is value in patient-centered approaches, helping undo patterns of hostility. Additionally, Usingusing mindful practices to highlight how insults tear us apart can destabilize the belief that insults are a valuable communication tool. Finally, by representing a space where communication is valued and ideas can be shared through empathy, we can also help prove the value of kind communication and help people understand that there are different communication styles.

Conflict is the Bridge 

As I wrap up this article, I want to highlight the value of conflict as a tool for building friendships. Conflict, despite some mindsets, is a valuable and vulnerable interpersonal component of life; while it can be unpleasant, it is occasionally necessary to establish proper boundaries. And as we know, boundaries are essential to friendship. While I am not endorsing hostility, when we can safely and securely share our frustrations with a person, we can highlight where growth is needed. And sSometimes conflict can also be an opportunity for youth and adults to learn what is needed to serve one another better. This must be done carefully and with the intention of walking together towards a more peaceful resolution. Adding to this, however, conflict can also reveal our less composed self, and how we respond during conflict can often confirm whether we want to continue in a relationship. So all in all, finding conflict as a tool that must be used appropriately can be a valuable and purposeful asset.

Outcomes:

All in all, conflict and conflict resolution are an art form shaped by the experiences, practices, and purpose we put into them. And by viewing it as an art form, not a burden, we can help build bridges that connect us to a more whole community. I hope this article helps you view conflict as a tool and conflict resolution as something we do collaboratively in our journeys together, becoming more patient and supportive individuals in a world that needs kindness. 

Here is a brief bio on Thomas R Wilson

Thomas R. Wilson is a professional Educator, Writer, Consultant, Business Owner, and purpose-driven event Specialist. His work is centered around an empathic and person-first mindset that works to access and uplift community voices. It is inspired by his own lived experiences and his desire to enact mindful change. His work has been highlighted internationally, and he has partnered with over 55 businesses in the United States. Overall, Thomas’s work continues to be a bright spot celebrated by the community.

You Can Find Thomas’s website  here

His linktree Here: here

And his other important links are here: 

linked in: here

email: ndttrpg@gmail.com

Patreon: patreon

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